Afternoon Tea at Number 4 Privet Drive
by Leville
Summary: Dudley and his son, Evan, have tea with Vernon and Petunia. And something very strange happens. A sequel called "What We Grow To Be" is now up.
1. Chapter 1

Petunia Dursley flung open the front door the moment the doorbell rung. "Vernon," she called over her shoulder. "They're here! Finally!" She turned and smiled at her visitors. "Oh, I thought you'd never get here!" she cried. "We've been waiting all day! What kept you?"

If her son, Dudley, had thought this overjoyed greeting was for him, he was sadly mistaken. Petunia only had eyes for the five-year-old boy slung over Dudley's shoulder like a sack. "Sorry, Mum." Dudley grinned. "Evan wouldn't put on his shoes."

Evan squirmed until Dudley sat him down. "Uh-uh. Dad lost the car keys." Evan reached his hands out to Petunia. "Gramma!"

His feet had barely touched the floor before Petunia whisked her grandson up and swung him around. She remarked on how tall Evan had gotten in the past few weeks and then started on a list of sickeningly sweet pet names; the kind she had inflicted on Dudley in his youth. Highlights of these nicknames included "Evvie-Wevvie" and "Evkin."

"Well, come into the sitting room. Tea will be ready in a moment."

Aunt Petunia, still holding tight to Evan, led the way out of the foyer. Dudley trailed along behind her. Evan's face peeked out from Petunia's shoulder. He gave his father a look that said, _I'm getting something out of this right? A new toy? Or at the very least, a cookie_?

Dudley offered a slight smile. _If you behave yourself_.

They walked into the sitting room, where Dudley's father, Vernon, was immersed in reading the newspaper.

"Where's Gianna?" asked Petunia as she settled Evan into a chair by the coffee table next to Vernon. Evan looked relieved to be released. Vernon, still reading the paper, ruffled Evan's hair. "I thought you said she was coming, too." Petunia's tone was stiff and polite, the way she always was when forced to talk about Dudley's wife.

"She'll be here," Dudley told his mother as he took a seat as well. "She got called into work this morning, but she said she'd make it here by three."

Petunia pursed her lips, but didn't otherwise comment. After a moment she said, "I'll go and fetch the tea."

"Milk for Evan," Dudley reminded her.

Petunia smiled. "I know."

Once she was out of the room, Evan slid off his chair and announced he needed to "use the toilet."

"All right, but make it quick. Otherwise you'll miss the food," Dudley said.

Evan nodded then tottered from the room, a look of mischief on his face.

Petunia returned to the sitting room with a tray of tea, milk, and sandwiches but Evan still hadn't come back from the bathroom.

"He's been in there an awfully long time, hasn't he?" Vernon pointed out in between bites of sandwich.

Before Dudley could respond, a loud thud resonated throughout the house.

Dudley rose out of his chair and was out of the room before Petunia or Vernon could move. Dudley made his way out of the sitting room, down the hallway and outside the bathroom door in less than ten quick strides, but the short walk felt like an eternity. His parents were making their way down the hallway as well, moving slower in their old age.

"Evan?" Dudley called. "Are you all right? Did you knock something over?"

"I'm fine!" Evan cried out. "Dad! Dad! You've _got_ to see this; it's incredible! You won't believe it!" Evan's voice was full of awe. "Open the door!"

Dudley slowly opened the door. His jaw dropped at the sight. The moment he registered what he was looking at, he slammed the door shut again. He _could not_ let his parents see this.

He turned to Vernon and Petunia. "He's okay, but a little embarrassed." Dudley forced himself to sound calm. "I'll take care of it. Go back to lunch. We'll join you in a few minutes."

His parents exchanged confused glances but they turned around and went back to their tea and sandwiches.

Dudley took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door again. It was chaos. Bars of soap raced each other across the floors and walls. A bottle of Windex and a bottle of Tilex were floating near the ceiling, spraying each other as if they were fighting. Shampoos, conditioners, and liquid soaps were spraying all over the shower. And finally, Petunia's tweezers and nail clippers were dancing in the sink.

Evan sat sprawled on the bathroom floor, a look of wonder spread across his face. "How is this happening?" he asked.

Dudley sank on to floor to sit with his son. He sat on his hands to keep them from shaking. "You're making it happen," Dudley said after a few moments.

"Am I dreaming?" Evan asked.

"I actually kind of hope so," said Dudley. "But it's not likely."

_My son is a wizard. _My son is a wizard._ Just like Harry. This is going to kill my parents._


	2. Chapter 2

"Dad? Is this… is this magic?" Evan's voice is hesitant. "Like, I mean… Real magic? Am _I_ magic?"

"Yes, "Dudley sighed. " It is. And yes, I think there's no way to deny that you are. It… it runs in the family."

"Really? Can you do stuff like this?"

"No, I can't. My cousin Harry can. You remember Harry? And his mother, my aunt, could, too. Before she died."

"Can Gramma and Grandpa?"

Dudley shook his head. "No. And you _can't_ tell them that you can."

Evan looked shocked. "Why not?"

"It's complicated. Just promise me you won't, all right?"

Evan scowled, bitterly disappointed. "All right. Fine." Evan glanced back up at all the possessed bathroom products. "How do I make them stop?"

Dudley's heart sank. "I don't know. Let's try catching them."

"Okay!"

Evan chased after the bars of soap, occasionally sliding on their slippery, bubbled trail. He eventually fell on them, reducing them to soapy smears on the floor where they remained stationary.

Dudley reached up and yanked the Windex and Tilex down and stuffed them back under the sink. He could still hear them thudding around in the cabinet, but he hoped they might grow tired after awhile. He snatched the nail clippers and tweezers out of the sink and threw them in a drawer. He looked up and saw that Evan had hold of the shampoo bottle. It was now empty, but it jerked wildly in Evan's grasp, making his arms rattle.

Dudley charged forward and pulled it away from Evan then threw it in the closet. The conditioner and liquid soap bottles soon met similar fates.

Dudley and Evan smiled at each other. Although the room was a mess and smelled strongly of cleaning chemicals and apple-scented soap, it was still and quiet. "C'mon. Let's clean the rest up."

They used paper towels to wipe up the soapy residue on the floor and walls. As Dudley turned on the water to rinse off the shower, he tried to think of a way to break the news to Gianna, his wife. He figured he would start with, "I know this might sound crazy, but please promise you'll allow me to explain…"

After about twenty minutes, Dudley and Evan sat back down in the sitting room, noticing that Gianna had arrived. She sat across from Evan's plate, looking a little uncomfortable as she always did at Number 4 Privet Drive. She gave her husband a slight smile as he and Evan took their seats. Petunia and Vernon exchanged curious looks but didn't say anything.

"Hi, Mummy," said Evan brightly, making a grab for a nearby plate of cookies.

"Hello, darling," replied Gianna, pulling the plate out of Evan's reach. "Not until you've finished a sandwich." Evan frowned and stretched his hand across the table. After a few moments of ineffective reaching, the plate slid towards Evan's fingers.

Vernon, who had just taken a bite of sandwich, gaped in horror, spilling lettuce and tuna onto his lap. Petunia spluttered into her tea, staring down at her grandson in horror. But Dudley could only look at his wife, who was meeting Dudley's gaze, looking utterly petrified.

"Uh, Gi," he started to say, not sure what he was going to say, when she cut him off.

"I can explain," Gianna said in a shaky voice. "I know this will make me sound mad, but promise me you'll just hear me out… You see, my brother is a wizard."

Dudley let out a surprised laugh just as a clatter of breaking china announced that Petunia had fainted.

**The End  
**

A/N: JKR once said in an interview that she thought about Dudley having a wizard child, then thinking the "wizard gene" wouldn't survive Vernon's DNA. I could see her point there. So I thought it would be funny if Dudley married a woman who had said "wizard gene." xD

For anyone who wanted me to continue with this story, I'm currently posting a sequel called "What We Grow To Be."


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